


Ashes

by SeptemberCrypt



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, BUT IM NOT SORRY, Death, Episode Related, M/M, Spoilers, i hate myself a little for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 09:55:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13924713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeptemberCrypt/pseuds/SeptemberCrypt
Summary: Sometimes, the past needs to stay in the past. Sometimes you need to bury it, to let go of the pain.





	Ashes

Sometimes, Clark wishes things had gone a little differently between them. Sometimes, he wishes that it didn’t have to come to this. There was a time when he thought that Lex would always be his friend, always be at his side. Back then, he couldn’t have even imagined things turning out like this.

They had so many good times...what happened to them? Maybe Clark lost faith a little too soon. Maybe Lex trusted Clark a little too much.

 

_ “Our friendship is going to be the stuff of legends.” _

 

Standing in the loft, looking out at the sunset. Clark could get lost in memories like those, never wanting to return to stark reality. Memories always seem just a little bit sweeter than they really were, don’t they? You’re blinded by rose-colored glasses, thinking that then was so much better than now. But was it, really? Or does it just seem that way because that’s what you  _ want  _ to see. 

Reality is, nothing ever goes as planned, and life isn’t as wonderful as you’d think. In real life, you don’t get happily ever after. No, you get nothing but pain, misery, and betrayal. You get lots of heartache and a dead ex-best friend. Happily ever after is only in stories, and it that’s how it will always be.

If things had gone the way Clark wanted, he’d be standing in a church with Lana at one side, as his bride, and Lex on the other, as his best man. He  _ never  _ wanted this to happen to he and Lex. There was even a time when he thought Lex would always be his best friend, always be at his side. And Clark knows that he made a lot of mistakes, that he hurt Lex more than anyone ever could. But Lex still made his own decisions. Though, sometimes, Clark wonders if any of that really  _ was  _ what Lex wanted, or if he was just following his father’s voice like he was conditioned to for years. Either way, Lex is gone now, and Clark doesn’t think he’ll ever come back. Not this time.

 

_ “Three months on a deserted island was almost worth it to see the look on your face right now.” _

 

Clark never felt like ‘brothers’ was the right word to describe him and Lex. Their connection was different, deeper than that. Something that Clark can’t even begin to comprehend, let alone describe. The times he held Lex, embraced him, he felt like he never wanted to let go. Like if he did, part of his soul would be ripped away from him. And in a way, when Lex was no longer his friend, it felt like it had. Without Lex he feels like only a part to a whole, he doesn’t feel complete. And now he never will, because Lex is gone. Forever. 

 

_ “Don’t give up on me yet.” And Clark wants to trust in him, believe him, but the doubts swimming around and around his head just keep getting bigger, louder. Sometimes, he feels like doesn’t even know Lex at all anymore, he’s changed so much. But the way he’s looking at him now, that look is familiar. It’s how he always looks at Clark when he thinks he isn’t worthy of his friendship. Lex thinks he hides these feelings from Clark, but he doesn’t.  _

_ He feels Lex place a warm hand on his arm, leaning in a little closer. He doesn’t know how to help Lex back out of this hole he’s dug himself into, getting deeper and deeper every day. He’s afraid that one day, he’ll realize it’s too late and Lex has already fallen down too far, already disappeared into the darkness. _

_ He surprised to find that he was expecting the light brush of their lips, but that doesn’t stop his whole body from feeling like it’s been set on fire. He kisses back, placing a hand between Lex’s shoulder blades and pulling him closer. Clark feels like he should be freaking out, pulling away and weighing the consequences, but he doesn’t. Somehow, this just seems right, like it’s supposed to be like this. And maybe it is. _

 

Clark lets the ashes fall from his fingers, like a dusty, black waterfall. This is all that’s left of Lex, now. Just ashes. All that’s left of the other half of his soul. A part of him died with Lex, and he’s not  _ ever  _ going to let it show. Lex is gone, and so is a part of his heart. This is who he is now, and he needs to move on.

There will always be a part of him that still loves Lex, even if he never said it. But Clark needs to let it stay buried. Like the ashes.


End file.
